You’re invited to my blog-warming party

Welcome to my WordPress!
Blogger was being a total bitch, I had this great layout and everything, but the comments didn’t work – so I reverted back to the original layout and they still didn’t work, so I said ‘screw this’ and jumped over to WordPress, and I’ve never been happier….

So yes, I am back from the beach. I did so many things! I swam in clear cold water, roasted under the hot australian sun, fed a carrot to a horse called mustard, listened to the jetty creak as fishermen walked back to shore with buckets of fish, I tried to feed my eating disorder to a shark, he didn’t take it – he’s not that stupid, and I bought a super bounce ball (hot pink) for $2, stuffed it up my shorts like I was a tennis player, then lost it fifteen minutes later – I was devastated for a good ten minutes.
I drove a ute (truck?) into a bush, said boo to a kangaroo and climbed under an electric fence!
I’ll have some pictures soon! 


Unfortunately, and unintentionally, I lost X pounds, I wasn’t eating great, but I wasn’t restricting.
I guess my metabolism is a bit faster that I had first realized…
Thus why I have had time to do this complete blog renovation and hold a blog warming party, I’m on super big rest. 

Okay! So, for my birthday I’m going to celebrate it with you ALL!
Noooo, I’m not going to sit in front of the computer all day! Hardly! I’m going to make the blog worlds famous carrot cake oats (with a candle) and I’m hoping to find a party hat or maybe a big ‘Birthday Girl’ badge and I’m going to do a video post and post it, on my very birthday! I’ll be celebrating my favorite meal of the day with you beautiful girls! 
I’m super excited, I’m going to be sixteen in five days!
Sweet Sixteen… or shall I say, Artificially Sweetened Sixteen 😉 Joking! 

So I have a challenge for all you girls, in the comments, tell me one thing you’re going to do, that you used to do before your ED, that you’ll do leading up to my birthday,
it’ll be my birthday present from you.
Me? I’m going to focus on drawing more, yes, it doesn’t have to be food related. Just hobby related, maybe you liked taking a long bubble bath or sitting in the sun – do that!!!

Well, I must be off! Well, I’m off to do some drawing, and look for my iPod, it’s been missing for a week – and I’m seriously considering putting it’s picture on milk cartons – I haven’t been able to listen to my christmas carols 😦

Not cool iPod
Not cool at all…

I love you all

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Katie 

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BRB

Bonjour beautiful girls,
I’m doing a quick post, to say, I’m going to be gone for a couple days because I am going away to a friends house for a couple days, she lives a couple hours away and near the beach – so hopefully I’ll get some tanning action! I’m preying for good weather, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be hot!
I trust myself for this trip, I didn’t before, in fact I’ve been trying to come up with reasons why I shouldn’t go, but I’m going! So I’ll be back very soon.
Now don’t you go worrying your pretty selves, this girl is not a dieter, body image person or obsessive exerciser, she’s not bothered by those things – she wants junk food, she eats junk food. She’s a great role model for someone like me, because even though I can’t eat the same things she does, she helps me realize that that is what real people eat.
I might have a chance to jump on the blogs, since she’s lined up to play Basketball for the country, except she’s only fifteen, I will have some time to jump on the internet, and I’ll give the blogs a quick scan.
But, I will have facebook! So I’m not completely incommunicado!

Food wise, I was struggling, and it some ways I’m eating the same, but my body image is clearing up (yay) and I’m moving forward, it did have me in a headlock for about, a week and a half, but put myself on a restrictive mirror time amount. No more spending hours in front of it, obsessing.

While I’m gone, try to see the good things in life, laugh, because you all deserve it.
Try and be like the last guy in the cartoon, and make the most of every situation.

I love you all and I’ll be back very soon.
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

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I’m going to keep going…

She dance naked in her crocodile shoes 
She only mix within the circle she choose 
She make a living outta singing my blues 
Katie Q
…… I hadn’t started with a song in while
Before I get to all the ED crap, because really – what it is is crap, I found these pictures…

When I was a younger, I wanted to be those girls. I remember looking at that fashion and falling in love with it, and I have to admit, I’m still in love with it. I saw it and my eyes glazed over, it was like listening to a song you loved when you were younger or watching a TV show that you used to always watch…
I am always up to no good 😉
I always rooted for the bad guys, they had all the fun, who want’s to be good all the time anyway?
I’m always getting detentions… not that I ever go 🙂
I’m sure my school email inbox is filled with ‘you have detention, you missed detention…’
If anybody ever has a detention and they ask around if anybody else has one, it’s always ‘No, but Katie does’ hahah
Shameful…

I love this clock….

WELL, while I was doing this in the pool, while eating my snack, I made a new friend…
Meet Monsieur Peppae.
He was a Green Dragonfly that was playing around in my pool – and that was the only good shot I could get of him! He wouldn’t stand still, let alone smile!
I decided his name is Monsieur Fredric Peppae!
>~<
ED wise? Well I’m living off Ensures and glasses of juice to make most of my calories, I can say my breakfasts are shamefully made of supplements.
I’ve been feeling very sad, and body image has been terrible. I guess, and my parents already know this so they won’t get any shock from this, I’m struggling a lot.
I am still eating and it’s not about thinking I looked better when I was sick, but it’s more feeling down, like I have no direction or point and that Anorexia was my point in life (when it wasn’t at ALL) and then I feel down because I’m failing everybody.
And I think a lot of it is frustration, because I’m still in an underweight BMI zone and I feel like I’ve gained so much weight, why am I still having to gain more? And I know it’s because I’m still underweight, and I bruise easily – it’s not even funny. I’m always discovering bruises, it’s ridiculous, I look like I’ve been in fights. And my hands! I have old lady hands. The veins are huge!!!
I’ve had a lot of side effects thanks to Anorexia, but I was hoping with this, they’d start to go away.
Pleh pleh!
I’m just going to keep pushing, pushing, pushing ED out of my life.
I was wondering, 
do you girls have more weird/scary dreams when you’re struggling? but like, about weight and ED stuff?
——————–
I love you ALL
xxxxxxxxxxxx

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No Katie, just, no.

In 18 days I’m 16!
Thats right, 16!
Part of me is happy, I mean it’s a birthday! But part of me is sad, another birthday with Anorexia, there won’t be any cake, I can’t handle cake. I’ll probably just have a fruit platter or something, maybe a Cutie? I won’t worry,
my family understand I can’t tackle cake yet, ah well – you guys don’t need to hear it.
Here are some awesome finds….
A friend of mine, E, sent this to me. It’s a letter from Edie Sedgwick to Andy, elegant as ever.
Oh, and school’s out for the summer! Oh yes, so there will be no more of this kind of thing,
 
Yes, boys in grade ten are really mature like that.
~`~`~`~`~`~`~~`~`~`~`~`~`~~`~`~`~`~`~`~~`~`~`~`~`~`~
One of my biggest problems at the moment is that I can’t say no.
I’ll do anything, give anything, because I can’t say no. It’s like I have say yes. If someone complains that their bag is getting heavy, I’ll say ‘Give it to me. I’ll carry it for you’ and if someone’s computer has run out of charge and I have too and I have a charger, I’ll give it to them and wait until they’re finished, it’s affecting everything I do, because I never get anything done because I’m always doing something for other people. Helping them with out of school things they’re doing, all ridiculous stuff like making video’s of stuff they’ve done and it’s like, I can’t say no.
So with my ED it was like, I can say no. I can show control. So I restricted to dangerous levels and that was my control.
I’ve got to work on saying No.
I’ve got stuff all around the place because people will see something of mine and compliment and I’ll say ‘oh you can borrow it’ to be nice and they’ll take it, and I’m too scared to ask for it back. It’s crazy, sometimes it’s my own relatives!
I have another Question…….
Tell me, what did you girls do for your 16th???
Love you all
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
p.s to the anonymous commenter, if you didn’t see my comment after yours,
try any health food store around you, calling around. If that proves unsuccessful, give me an email and I’ll send you the address for a shop that should send interstate. 🙂
xxx

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Perhaps I haven’t made this clear….

I quiet enjoy a good shop.
But in my defense…. okay I have no defense, but what’s wrong with supporting a few…. couple…. many…. too many….. clothing brands…..
the shop was awesome and me and my friend Gizmo could have spent our entire lives in there but we managed to choose only two items….
but onto that later, first
Mum  and I took a trip to the store and I found somethings that made my little heart flutter with excitement (ah the simple things in life).
Let’s get into it…
Mini Cucumbers! Perfect for dipping, love these things….
Did we need the comparison? Probably not but hey, who’s it hurting?
(apologies for if this hurt you, that was never my intention 😉 )

Thought I’d get in the Christmas spirit with a little bit of Peppermint tea!

Cuties! I thought I’d seen these before somewhere…. I can’t remember where, they ring a bell, it could have been anywhere… TV, Internet, books, memories! (anybody else heard of these? Not books or memories etc etc, but the Cuties…. just thought I’d clear that up….) and the name caught my eye!

Of course….
Thank you Foodland for that fun trip!

This is my Black Market Art Company shirt, a boys small and oh so comfy, can’t wait to bust this out with a pair of leggings and some bed hair and black patent leather heels that are ridiculously high.
très chic?
Well I’m no fashion expert, but I’m impressed.

What kind of person would I be if I saw these Van’s Off the Wall sunglasses and not get them?
Well,
somebody who can practice a mature level of restraint… and yes, I do have a draw with sunglasses lined up in little rows….
I had work experience at an Interior Design Company this week, thus the lack of postage, and what did I learn? What skills did I bring home?
Well, look what I did on the photocopy machine.
Too cool.
——————-
ED wise? I’m going steady. I’ve cried quiet a lot recently, balled my eyes out yesterday morning over fat feelings, I was seeing some friends and I was stressed out about what to wear that would also be appropriate for work experience, no, those situations do NOT mix well. I was stressed out about both of them…
Maintained my weight this week instead of gaining – so I’m going to put more effort into that.
——————-
QUESTION TIME!
How many people here keep a journal?
I do, I write everyday, and I would love to know,
who keeps one (yes or no, why?) and how often do you write in it?
Love

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I’m sorry, it’s slightly long….

Bonjour Babies
I am so glad you enjoyed the video post, I was so worried about it!

I’ve always had a soft spot for Gizmo,
It’s one of the nicknames I have for one of my long time best friends….

A polaroid camera, a cat and a china cup? This looks like heaven to me.

I want this couch so badly….

I think this speaks for itself…
This is kind of how I spend my nights. Wearing high heels and scary my cat, in fact, I challenge myself to recreate this picture.
……………………
Okay, so I was doing some homework and I logged onto facebook to ask a friend about some of the work we had to do, and up on my live feed (coz I love knowing everything about everyone) there was a group that came up that like 20 friends had joined, and so I clicked on it, and this big picture of an emaciated girl looking into the mirror flicks up. My stomach felt so sick, I wanted to cry.
Because she looked sick,
and it brought back memories of what I’d seen myself look like, so I started wailing – attempting to convince myself I never did that to myself. Mum and Dad were telling me how I did look like that and people did stare at me all the time, but I didn’t want to believe it, how could I?
Although I cried and screamed so hard, struggled to finish dinner – would walk away and come back fifteen minutes later, walk away, come back, drink some water. But I did finish, and it wasn’t that I was triggered, but I felt guilty.
I now am very scared of photo’s of me at my sickest, I never let them out of my iPhoto library, or my Mum’s iPhoto library, I had one girl who I know at school who is very unstable, ask me to put one of me at my sickest on facebook – I told her no. Never would a photo of me at my sickest ever make it’s way onto my facebook, especially with someone like this girl.
– I’m going to explain her, well she would vent to me about all the things she did, she had bulimia, and I told her I couldn’t give her any advice because I didn’t know much about bulimia and I don’t want to say something wrong. She would tell me how she wished she could be anorexic, I told her that was incredibly stupid and I wouldn’t talk to her if she kept saying that, and she said that it seemed ‘good’. I said, ‘Did it seem good when I was walking around school? Doing laps of the freaking oval and wearing my tracksuit because nothing else fitted me? When everybody stared at me? Do you wish that was you?” I was pretty angry with her, it was offensive. And she says ‘to be honest, all I ever wanted to be was you then…. I really wanted to be you’ and I guess that was the last conversation I ever had with her.
She’d ask me to put sick photo’s up, just so she could be reminded not to let it get that far and I refused.
………………..
So I’d kind of recovered from that upset moment, and then I was at the shopping centre, and I saw my old nurse at IP, and I was surprised – I hadn’t seen her in some time, and across the table I saw this poor emaciated boy, and it tugged at my heart. That was me once, when I had to come food shopping so I could control what came into the house.
………………..
I seriously need some mantra’s to say to myself when I’m struggling like a couple nights ago,
got any idea’s?
Love you all up to the banana and back + pb
xxxxx Katie xxxxxxx
xxxxxxxx

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video post: prepare for the thoughts of a girl with a big nose

Hello Darling Girls,
Well, before I get to the video post, here is some shopping I did yesterday. 
Now I don’t want you thinking that all I do is shop, because that is completely untrue, I blog and talk on the phone to friends too,
my days are always constructive.

Maxi Dress…… Yes, the pose is attractive, it’s mid-run-turn-flair dress so beautiful girls can see it!
A cute little skirt!
And now, onto the lameeee and short – but as requested, video post.
I know, I understand if you stop following me now, I’m strange and I have a big nose
It’s short, but I feel it captures me, my laugh, my short attention span, everything!
……………………………
I loooooove you girls up to the banana +pb and back
xxxx

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