Never been a rules kind of girl, until…now..

Hello my tiny ducklings,

I loved hearing about your childhood loves,

………………………………….

At the moment I’m frustrated by myself, or maybe I’m frustrated by ED.

Stupid rules, I’m so annoyed, it’s all this stupid metabolism crap, and rules. Like, having three hours between every meal/snack, not going to sleep for a very veeeeeeeeeeery long time after eating, counting every single calorie or 0.5 of a calorie, it’s tiring and most of all, stupid ED stuff.

I mean how many of my friends can relate to the situation ‘oh no, I can’t have that, it’s a few calories over’ or if I’m talking to them on the phone or something I’ll say ‘I am so exhausted’ and they, of course, they say ‘go to sleep’ but it’s not like I can say ‘oh I can’t I only ate like X long ago’.

I need to become more relaxed about this stuff, because that’s ED just trying to have some rule over my life, when I’m trying to escape from it.

………………………………….

H A P P Y        H A L L O W E E N

It’s massive in my neighborhood, as in 100s of kids in our street at once.

I have zero idea about what to dress up as, I wish I had some cat ears or something, I love cats. Going as a cat would be my dream!

………………………………….

I’m almost done with my art project and I’m so proud! eeeep! Can’t wait to put a picture up.

Another a thing I’m proud of is that I drunk almost over 3 liters yesterday… how to translate that for you americans… 102 ounces? idk hahaha. I am super proud, this coming from the girl who barely drank 4 ounces of water every four days! When I was admitted to IP they had this needle in my arm and I was all nervous, it kind of went like this.

(as I channel some of the beautiful Karina’s style of writing, no where near as good as her of course)

I lie down on the bed, trying not to pinch my face together as I feel my bones jut into my back. My head screams ‘fat, for once you’re going to have to show them your arms’, it laughs, ‘idiot’. It continues in my head, ‘remember that doctor yesterday, whose eyes went big when she had to do the exam?’ I remember. She said she had daughters, none had eating disorders and when I said I didn’t think I was skinny she coughed and stuttered,

“You don’t think your too thin?”

“No…”

“Thats the disorder talking Katlyn Laura”

“Maybe, but I’m not that bad…”

“If only you could see, if only”

‘She was just being dramatic Katie!’ the eating disorder laughs, quieting down as a friendly nurse, Sue, comes in with the blood kit.

“Let’s try again, hey? Today we’ll pray for a vein” she smiled. Perhaps they’re on holidays? I thought to myself, remembering yesterdays failed attempt of finding anything even vein worthy. Sue uses her old and crinkled hands to search up Katie’s arms, her fingers tickling her skin. “One second please darling” she smiles, wandering out, winking before she leaves. ‘Hah! They can’t find a vein through all your fat! You fatty!’ the eating disorder taunts, dancing around my head as if on hot coals until two new nurses, plus Sue of course, come in.

“Re-enforcements?” Katie smiled.

“Just some extra eyes and hands” Sue assured me. Feeling their fingers up and down my arms until an elderly lady, whom Katie hadn’t seen before, pushed her finger into Katie’s arm.

“I found one! Who would know, I can see your bones and muscles through your thin layer of skin but I only just found this vein! Perhaps they were on holidays?” she suggested. I knew it! She thought. So as the nurses pinched the tiny vein and stuck a needle into Katie’s arm, she expected to see her blood to come flushing out into the little tube, she’d done this before, she wasn’t new to this. The nurses sighed as the tube stayed hauntingly empty until one deep red drop slipped into the tube.

“Golden” they smiled. “…. but this is going to take a while…” one nurse frowned, walking out, only to return with my room mate Kelsey…

………………………………….

Well, question time (I’ve decided I’m going to have a question at the end of every post)

Summer is coming up here in Australia, it’s getting really hot!

Yes! Time for swimming!

So I ask you, my friendly little foes, 

What is your favorite summer memory?

 XXXXX

The Velveteen Rabbit

Hello my beautiful girls,

Today I’m going to share with you one of my favorite books of all time, The Velveteen Rabbit.

I love it so much because I guess I can relate to it because I’ve had a soft toy, Puffy, for my entire life who is literally my comfort zone. He is very special to me and this is really what this book is about,

a young boy who gets a soft toy rabbit for christmas and their travels together.

The cover is so cute, it’s such a big book with such good detail – I love the butterfly in the corner of the cover, probably because they’re my dream pet!

This reminds me of Christmas so much when I was younger…

Sitting in the backyard with a pet turtle…

…

fairies! I’ve always loved fairies!

…….

ED wise? I’m going okay, not sleeping too well due to stress with school but doing better. I keep having the worst dreams that really upset me, not scary dreams, just upsetting ones.

My head is clearing up though, so now I can look at my body and go ‘that area can gain a bit of weight’ instead of ‘that area could loose a bit’ it’s good, refreshing and confidence building. Just so be able to come out of the shower and look at myself and not cry.

I was talking to my Mum only last night about how my vision is clearing up when it comes to how I look, sure sometimes I have fat days but I’m feeling just a bit more confident, and I was saying how I think I’m a pretty thin girl now, with a BMI of 17.5, I can’t even imagine what I looked like at my lowest weight! I’ve seen a few pictures but mostly I hid from the camera. I was saying how I never noticed anybody stare at me, and perhaps I’m being a bit over dramatic, and she was like ‘people stared at you a lot, you just didn’t notice’ and I cast my thoughts back to when I’d go food shopping with Mum – had to control what came into the house food wise – I was too busy checking the nutrition labels and trying to catch my reflection to see how fat I looked that day, to even notice anything.

……………………..

I loved hearing about your dream jobs, they all sounded so good, and I bet we’ll all get our dream jobs – I mean, we have the determination, right?

So my question for this post (I’m a questions person, I always ask questions about everything and I love to hear the answers, my friend says I’m the only one who actually wants to hear about every detail of somebody’s weekend or trip overseas) so my question to you is,

‘do you have a soft toy/book/movie-tv show/song/place that takes you right back to some of your best childhood memories?‘

Mine would be Puffy, The Velveteen Rabbit, the Madeline series (still my fave, I’ve got the theme song on my itunes), The Kinks (my dad and uncle were fans and now I’m one too!) and place? Probably the beach…

You don’t have to answer all of them, I just want to hear one 🙂

Happy Halloween of course 🙂

Hope you have a spooky time, I’m having a good friend over to help with the 100s of kids who come to our front door!

xxxxxx

Love you up to the banana and back + pb.

xx

I love butterflies…

Hello again my pumpernickels! 

Okay, well one of my favorite little bloggers gave me a challenge which of course, I chose to accept. She challenged herself and – ate a previously forbidden food!

So I thought, why not? I’ve got stuff sitting in the pantry to make Pumpkin Risotto, I love risotto, I’m going to make it! And so, nervously – I was very ready to give up and go for a simple and not very nourishing vegetable soup, but I kept going. I kept cooking until it was ready to be served, my younger brother was practically hovering around the kitchen sniffing it! (He’s so different to most boys, loves almonds, almond milk, oats, pumpkin! He’d prefer watermelon to a cheeseburger and his favorite meal is breakfast – we of course, get along swimmingly!) 

Verdict?

AMAZING! It was so good, except next time I’m gonna put in bigger pumpkin bits because I love my pumpkin!

Okay, I was really proud of myself because rice is a big no no for ED. It’s caused some major fights and in IP they knew never to serve me rice because I might just go insane – they wouldn’t be so nice when it came to pasta.

Well? On my eating.

I have NOT given up and gone on an ‘Anorexic Holiday’ (you loose lots of weight before you go into IP so you qualify to yourself that your sick enough) something that I’ve done before and relapse when things get to hard body image and weight wise is something I’m notorious for.

I just thought to myself, you know what? Here is a chance for me to prove myself and eat things that I was slowly getting scared of again!

Want to hear some of my breakfasts?

I have no pictures because my camera may or may not have already been full from previous photography sessions with a couple other meals and the odd friend ;)….

Oats, almond milk, prunes, almonds and honey.

Oats, almond milk, almonds, p-nutter butter (low salt/fat/no sugar added – got to get back to the natural stuff soon)

Oats, almonds, almond milk, and lemon curd!

…… maybe I do have an obsession with almond milk…

At the moment I really want a polaroid camera but I don’t think they make them anymore!

It would be awesome to just take it every where and have photos stuck all around my bedroom,

I’ll do some searching for one, no? Hopefully I’ll find one because I love the effect they take!

………

Above is a card I made while in IP. Okay, I made heaps of cards. A nurse called Fiona would come by with all this magical stuff and we’d just create things to put up on our wall!

She’d come to your bedroom or into the lounge room, where we’d usually be eating our snacks together, while moaning about something the nurses had done – our head nurse person kept going through my tray because I’d only drink 100mls of the 250mls of soy milk, then hide it. I got pretty good at it, until she took away the bin so I couldn’t trash it anymore – but I’m off topic.

Anyway, Fiona would come in, she was english and she’d chime ‘Hello my little disordered eaters! I bring treats!’ and so I’d make these cards.

To be truthful – the nurses in IP were pretty good. They let us watch the cooking shows, yes, forget Oprah or anything like that, the thing we all waited around for were the cooking shows, you always knew where to find us at that time of the day. But on the weekends our cooking shows weren’t on, so a girl K, she managed to get them to bring in some cooking magazines so we could read about food… until the head nurse, soy milk protector, stole them… hmph! haha I have to admit I did go a little crazy without my food obsession being fed.

I wasn’t allowed to pick anything that I ate,

because I’m the worlds worse calorie counter and so I was bound to be swayed by the Ed…. but hey, every meal was a surprise!

……..

Mum and I have been going on tones of walks recently, and it’s such lovely weather that it’s perfect. It’s nice to be able to just walk around and talk. We usually only do 15 minutes because I’m also a notorious over-exerciser, restricter, relapser, counter – damn you ED!

But I love it all the same. We live in a cosy little neighborhood and we always do a bit of exploring with new routes!

………………..

So I have a question for my you girls reading,

if you could have any job in the world at this moment in time, what would it be?

I’m thinking interior design. I was such a nerdy kid. When some girls drew flowers and perfected their handwriting, I was designing the interiors of homes – since I was six when we did it as an art activity I’ve been hooked.

Terribly hooked.

As in, hundreds of drawings.

Some kids my age like drinking, I like drawing.

Yes, you’re ashamed of me now,

I’m sorry.

I’m promise I’m cool 🙂

xxxxxxxxxx

Love you up to the banana + Pb

xxx

*sigh*sigh*sigh*sigh*

Girls, morning, evening, afternoon…. sigh, I don’t know! Lets just stick with… hello beautiful girls!

Okay well recently things haven’t been too good, not just with eating. I’ve got this friend S who is on and off at the moment, one day she’ll talk to my friends and me and the next day she won’t – oh but by the way we haven’t done anything wrong. She says she just gets in the mood to treat people badly, which at the moment really doesn’t help with recovering from a eating disorder! I actually got so furious at her when she refused to talk to us and I just could not cope, I just walked out crying.

Other stuff? Well I lost… just mentally converting kilograms to pounds… half a pound? Like nothing, but of course everybody got very upset and I just started to freak out, first with my ‘friend’ second with this – coping at the moment I’m really not. Luckily I have my therapists appointment tonight so I can talk to him about how I’ve screwed up everything at the moment…

Nothing seems to work out, one more loss and either I go back to my original IP or I go to an IP in another state and I REALLY don’t want that for two reasons,

A) I’m not sick enough – compared to when I was last admitted when I was really really sick and dehydrated, I don’t feel like I deserve IP and I don’t even think I need to go. I’m eating and gaining weight, some weeks I’ll gain and some I’ll loose, I’m not trying to loose – sometimes I’m more active than others, no? Sometimes I have more stress and so my stomach like… churns so I burn more calories coz I’m tossing and turning and constantly moving around.

B) Another State? I would die! I’d be in for like… I don’t know… a month, I don’t know how long it will take me to get from a 17.5 BMI to a 19 BMI. I don’t want to go.

I don’t need to! 

Above are some sweet little things that I love! I’ve always loved little things – especially pink things! I especially love the little bunny and the big love heart tin! So cute!

I just want to go back to doing the things that I love, like laughing and art and I don’t know…

Actually, I do. I want to go to the beach on a really hot day and eat lemon sorbet and paint and walk around in my bathing suit and an oversized t-shirt.

I can’t do that with ED,

it HAS to go.

And it WILL go.

(I’m so nerdy – I little screenshot from the Mermaid Chair)

Aim for this week? Um, up the calories? Try to keep the piece with my so called friend? And… deal with chocolate soy milk withdrawals? haha I’m so addicted, now we’ve run out after I’d have it with my snack or something… oh dear…

……….

Love you up to the banana and back!

xxx

Quicksand + Haylee Inspired Post

Hello beautiful girls,

Okay today’s breakfast?

It was so good, I’m looking forward to more summer fruits coming in soon!

Doesn’t my phone look beautiful? Yes, I am impressed with myself. Fifteen minutes well spent 😉

At the moment, idk, I’m just not 100%…

I’m having a lot of panic attacks because I’m challenging my goal weight.

I went to my IP dietician and we sat down and she got out the charts for teenage weight/adult weight, and she said ‘as this weight you will still get osteoporosis  and other health issues’ and she showed me my weight compared to my height. ‘your height is on the 90% so in a line up of 100 girls your age, your taller than 90 of them. With your height at the moment, you’re still quiet under the 50%’

I was shocked because I thought I was on the 50%

She said in order to get up to the 50% isle I would have to gain just under (in american terms) XX pounds.

I never realized.

So I agreed. To get to the REAL 50% isle, however for my weight to be even on the 50% isle as an adult I need to gain an extra XX pounds – but I don’t think I’d be able to do that….

ARGH! Being 5.7 feet tall SUUUUUCKS!

Eating wise I’m doing OK,

still can’t be left to do things myself coz the ED takes over.

Now I’m a bit confused. Recently I weight myself and I was Xweight.1 and then at the end of the day – fully clothed – I was the same Xweight but .2 hmmm how could I only be 100 grams (3 ounces) at the end of the day when I’ve eaten everything?

QUESTIONS QUESTIONS QUESTIONS!

Love you up to the banana and back

🙂

Hey beautiful girls, no video post, because my iMovie…. well lets just say, the lights are on but nobodies home…

So as I was searching through my favorite website, PRETTY FOODS, I found so many that I just wanted to show you…

Cute little love hearts, so tiny and delicate!

The cutest china – just the kind that I want to use every day for all my meals…

I couldn’t do a pretty food post without macaroons, no? Because they’re a beautiful food, so many colors!

Oaties, need I say more?

P-nutter-butter (as I call it)

Coffee LOVE

Smartest thing ever?

I think so! mmm mmm! Peanut butter and apples!

Onto me, well I went to my IP dietician, I kind of felt like I was cheating on my regular dietician but – what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right? And it was so good to talk about BMI’s and work out weights, my normal D is like ‘as soon as you get your period, then you can go on a maintenance diet’ and since it hasn’t come for like… two years? I was like ‘I can’t just wait around and just keep gaining weight! She said previously that if you stay at a weight for some time it might start anyway, and stress can stop it! And not having a goal weight is complete stress for me!’ and so Mum and I decided to see someone who talked about numbers, and she was amazing.

I always thought – 17.5 wasn’t that low – I it was the highest weight I’ve been in who knows how long but looking at charts and doing the math – I’m still underweight, another thing this amazing dietician has done is let me sit at the lowest weight possible for a healthy person – a BMI of 19, I agreed that yes, that was more normal. It is apparently still in the Osteoporosis danger zone, but she thinks that maybe I’ll change my mind and go higher than 19 – but… erm… we’ll see…. I’m fairly comfortable with 19 right now.

I know I should try to be as healthy as possible, to get out of the danger zone, but being SO tall I would have to spend half a year in IP to get to a healthy weight to match my height.

sigh – weights and numbers are stupid – can’t we all just measure ourselves by how often we laugh every day? Or your mood? The lighter the mood – the lighter the person? haha so dumb Katie, be quiet… but maybe we’d all be happy?

 !¡!¡ QUESTION TIME !¡!¡

What foods can you NOT stand, it makes you GAG just to think about – but try not to gag hehe 😉

For me? Ah, that’s a good question – thanks for asking, would be coriander, watermelon (although I think it’s the prettiest fruit), oysters and muscles…..

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Love you up to the banana and back 😉

wishing painfully…

Hey Chicky Babes!

I’ve been back at school and haven’t quiet found the time to do a Haylee Inspired Post, or a video post. So, I’ve organized to record a video friday night to put up 🙂

School, well at the moment I’m only really interested in Art at the moment. It’s like, design and english are all well and good but well Art gives me this sense of freedom, it exhilarating getting into the lesson and just letting this relaxation just flow through me. At the moment Design class is just too structured for me, and I would go back to my normal art school that I used to go to before I got my eating disorder and then I only made five or so classes until I couldn’t get out of bed to make my way and to avoid scaring people with my appearance (okay, I admit, back then by scaring, I meant I didn’t want to shock them with all the weight I’d obviously gained – when really I was at a bed rest weight), but I’m just…I’m more into sculpting. Junk Art really – using things and making something with a message. At the moment I’m making a box out of diet coke cans to show how imprisoned I was in the ED.

Also, one of my best friends, Y, is in the lesson with me, so we muck around a fair bit (as pictured under)

She was using black paint on her art and I was using read, so we came together and gave each other a high five, then got our laptops and took photos of us totally messing about while my art teacher chuckled to himself because we were so mad and screaming with laughter….

Above is some writing that I did when I was feeling a bit emotional and sad, some of my favorite quotes, they read

I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart…

♥

Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky, twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.

♥

Two little ducks went out one day, over the hill and far away. Mother duck said quack quack quack quack and only one little duck came back

♥

I love you up to the banana and back

The last one is something me and my Mum always say to each other because of a long story where she drew a moon that I thought looked like a banana ;D

Okay, there is so much behind this photo. First the ED was like ‘Katie! Don’t put this up! Your arm doesn’t look gasp-worthy thin anymore! They’ll laugh at you and think you’re weak’ and it almost had me, but I was like ‘So what ED? I should be proud that my wrist doesn’t look skinny anymore! I want to show them the bracelets and the stories and I know they won’t laugh at me’. Yes I had to go through the taunts ‘Katie you’re so dumb! Putting up two photos where people can clearly see your wrists – showing them that you’re not thin anymore’ but I decided to just ignore it.

Recently I’ve been wearing these things close to me is because I need to remind myself that I’ve got good people around me who care for me and are there for me. Recently I’ve been feeling quiet lonesome, I don’t really have anybody to talk to face to face anymore who has had an ED. I mean, I could Skype my friend from IP Hannah, but she’s away and I’m feeling really down.

So I found all these bracelets that have a story behind them. 

                      

The red piece of string has diary keys strung onto it – keys from my diaries through out my life. I made this when I was seven because I thought it was really individual and arty to wear your old diary keys around your wrist.

                      

I have my Pandora charm bracelet that my family gave to me – which I treasure.

                      

A brown bangle from South Africa that a friend brought me….

                      

A beaded bracelet with a little charm that says ‘hope’ on it, made by the Butterfly Foundation – for people with ED’s

                      

Bracelets from my friend Y who is Indian and had hundreds to go up her arms and she gave me two so we could be sisters

                      

A surf style frangipani beaded rope bracelet to remind me of my favorite beach and they’re also my favorite flowers…

     

I just look at them and it makes me feel as though I’ve got so much around me to embrace and to ignore those lonely feelings that I get. Sometimes I just want someone to talk to who knows, yah know? So I do a lot of one sided conversations in my journal, which helps a bit.

Sigh.

Love you all up to the banana and back,

xxx Katie xxx

change…

Hey girls.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on our hammock just reading or thinking, relaxing, trying to clear my mind of all the stupid things that ED has flooded my head and distancing myself from all its constant abuse.

The weather has recently been so amazing nice and warm – perfect for just lazing around. Tomorrow we’re back at school for our last term of the year, which I’m kind of dreading because thats so much more pressure when I’m already under so much pressure from my doctors and the ED. I have to go because I’ve already missed so much school with IP and bed rest and I don’t want to miss more. I missed 50% of last term, and I have to go back, surprisingly I’m not failing, I have no idea how I’m not failing, I’m barely there.

~*~*~*~

~*~*~*~

My amazing parents went grocery shopping and they got all my favorite goodies

 – especially Larabars – 

These include Uncle Toby’s Traditional Oats, Wild Oats Almond and Vanilla Oats, Dried Strawberries, Dried Mango, Fruit’n’Nut mix, Sun Set Muesli with coconut, dried apple, orange flavored sultanas, Vanilla Green Tea, High Fibre Bars, Larabars (cinnamon roll, key lime pie, pistachio, cherry pie and chocolate jocolat)

mmmm mmm!

On the rest of the stuff – with my loss of control of most things, it’s getting better – much better. My parents can trust me to choose things and run it by them. They usually come up to me and say ‘its lunch time’ or something, I don’t really initiate the meals. But since I can make some choices it’s good.

Sometimes it’s scary, like I had some friends over recently and I had to eat a pancake with strawberries and my ED was screaming at me to not eat it, but I got to miss other things through out the day to make the calories equal. It was scary, and I don’t really want to do it again. 

~*~*~*~

Me and my two best friends of forever both watched scary movies and we watched Boo! and Quarantine – next time we plan on watching Wolf Creek and Dying Breed.

Quarantine was SO freaking good,

loved it.

Scary and creepy but amazing.

~*~*~*~

Love you all and thank you for all the support.

Love always.

xxx Katie xxx

petite fille perdue …

Hello again,

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking – hence the above photo – my little sister stuck that on my head, because you think with your head, no?

So here is some of my shopping – the photo’s aren’t that great, I was kind of in a hurry, the camera battery was dying fast.

Some shorts I got! I love the cute used look that makes them look like they have a long story behind the shorts, I can’t wait to wear them!

A nice dress I found, this photo doesn’t do it justice….

Some good summer tops, that are super comfortable, there was like…a deal, you get two shirts for $45 so I was like ahhh DEAL! haha so I went and picked out another shirt that I liked…

A nice…cardigan thing, and a cute skirt.

There is some of my shopping!

Now onto the food thing.

I’m going to be honest with you. I was found out yesterday. My two brothers found the food I was hiding, I’m not going to tell you where I hid it, but I have zero idea how they found it or what they were doing…

So that obviously caused a lot of tears and shouting – as it would. And so we’ve reverted to IP living.

No going to the bathroom for an hour after anything I eat – I don’t make the food, I have not too much say in what I eat – I can make compromises which I couldn’t do in IP, I’m supervised while eating and after meals. It’s a lot like IP except I’m not doing it with other struggling girls, I’m doing it alone, to my parents credit they are trying to make things pleasant for me. At breakfast, which was something I was fairly unhappy with I was allowed to have my cat Annie sit next to me on the kitchen stool and chat away with until I’d finished. Usually with meals like this it takes me about an hour but Dad was sitting with me until I was done and he had work to get with and I felt guilty because he was doing operations on Cancer patients so I ate in half the time.

I’m a little nervous about the calories because part of me thinks I”m going to gain weight so much quicker than all the other girls out there because they can control their food and I can’t but I’ve just got to accept that this is my situation.

I’m glad I can have my cat with me, because she really calms me down and I talk to her when I’m not happy.

One thing I was always nervous about with letting other people take over my meals was that they’d make mine bigger than everyone else, but my parents haven’t, they’ve continued serving sizes for main meals that I’d feel comfortable with, except breakfast – which was a tiny meal for me so I was a bit overwhelmed by that.

Like IP – they don’t use low fat, which scares me.

sigh.

Love always

xxxxx

shopping & shock

Hey girls,

Today was the day I normally weigh myself – I dread it because I know I’m going to be sad whether I gain weight or I loose weight, so I pretty much hate it.

This week I lost 1lb.

Was it worth it?

No. I feel horrible and depressed and guilty about all these things that normally aren’t that bad. I’ve lost control of what I eat – someone else now chooses and I just feel generally depressed.

I’m so… idk… always on the verge of tears, in the shower I was just crying my eyes out, but I feel like I don’t deserve to cry because it’s all my fault. The ED tells me that since I’m not super underweight anymore – it doesn’t matter if my weight goes down. I’m not really thin now and so I don’t feel like I deserve the food.

I debated whether I should post this news because part of me thought ‘oh katie, they’ll just think you’re pathetic’ but this is my blog where I am putting how I feel.

I feel like I’m choking or drowning and I can’t keep my head above water or something.

I need to do some serious journalling so I’ll get started on that.

I feel so terrible.

…………………….

Mum & I went shopping together today and we bought some great stuff – I’ll have to take a picture and show it to you, because I’m so proud of them, they’re really pretty.

…………………….

Yesterday I had the worst acid reflux, it was horrible. I was crumpled on the bathroom floor gasping for air, I was in so much pain. I had to ignore my ED and eat part of my lunch early in hopes of soaking up some of the acid – but it didn’t work. I was on the phone to mum in desperate tears – it was worse that ever. I had to try really hard not to pass out so Mum was like ‘stay on the phone’ and I did, it was good to have her on the phone, it made me feel safe.

…………………….

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